Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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