I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
