some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
