ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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