hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
