margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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