whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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