So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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