fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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