Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
