You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
