Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
