never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
