Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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