you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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