i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
