I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
