too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
