Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
