i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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