YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
