i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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