did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
