Just fell off a train. Bad.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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