I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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