Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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