I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
