he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
