3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
