I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
