Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
did i walk over a car last night?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
