he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
