Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
