the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
