i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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