Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
