That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You are the jesus of drinking
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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