Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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