it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
