His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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