Your tits are I can't wait for
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
