they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
