This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
as a side note pls kill me
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
