Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
