Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
