They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
