we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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