school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch