I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
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She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.