I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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