After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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