I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
