Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize