You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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