Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
