Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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