I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.