i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk