You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.