Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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