You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.