Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
