Tell her she can't have a vagina
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...