Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
