She is in my trunk
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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