There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I forget how to act sober
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
