Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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