I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You did what with his pubic hair?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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