I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
