don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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