Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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