the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
